I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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