Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
