new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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