What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
