All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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