Jerry, you need to find god
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
