3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Randomize
