What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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