worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You can't just leave with hair like that
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
