everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
