You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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