It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
