just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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