I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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