Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
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You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
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I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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