I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
