I puked a lego.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
