I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
