I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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