..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
