I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
