Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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