I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
