I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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