whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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