Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
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so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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