I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
