So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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