This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
