you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
