i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
