It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
