Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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