i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
