there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
