i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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