get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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