My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
