Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
