I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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