why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
