Your face is a jimmy john
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize