Plan B is the new Plan A
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
