Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
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Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
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you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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