How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
