I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
