Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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