Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
where are my eyebrows?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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