First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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