Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
