just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
