I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
