you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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