I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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