Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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