Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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