you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
