Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
sarcasm needs its own font
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
