when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
