she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
