party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
