I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize