So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just high enough for therapy.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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