There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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