This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
