we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize