my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
