FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Is Oprah even human
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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