Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
